Thursday, February 12, 2015

Life After Loss: My Story

Hey Y’all.  I'm Sydney and I blog at Raising Southern Grace.  I appreciate Aubrey having me today for Monday Mama.  I love finding other mothers to follow and this is a great series to get to know other Mama’s!
c/o Abby Williams

My son, Griffin is 8 months old, but I became a Mama in May 2012.  In May 2012 my husband and I decided that we were ready for children and that we would get off birth control and see what happens.  Months rolled around with no positive pregnancy test and I started to worry.  After several appointments with my Gynecologist, I made an appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what was going on. I was diagnosed with PCOS, and was told it would be difficult for me to have children.  We started fertility treatments right away and were blessed in April 2013 with our first positive pregnancy test.  The next month we checked in on our baby and was told the most horrific news, “There is no longer a heartbeat.”
My life sank.  I had just lost by Dad to cancer five months prior and now I had to say goodbye to my child who I wanted to badly.  We decided after this news that we would take a break for a few months because we couldn’t fathom losing another pregnancy.
After a small break, my heart still ached to have a child in my arms so we started up fertility treatments again.  Our first cycle back after the loss, I had another positive pregnancy test.  I was over the moon excited.  I knew this was a child that God would let me raise and I had no fears during the entire pregnancy. 
c/o Wright Photography
Griffin was born April 25, 2014.  He was meant for us.   I think about the loss of my first child and I know we would not have Griffin if I didn’t go through that.  Having Griffin doesn’t make the loss any less hurtful.  It makes you really realize what you lost, but that God is still in control.
Now, I am “that mom”.  The mom who posts way too many pictures (Instagram:sydedwards22) and talk entirely too much about my child, and I love it.  I always swore I wouldn’t be that kind of mom but this is my new reality. 
c/o Abby Williams
I spend my days picking up toys for the 10th time and washing bottles in the sink that are up to my eyeballs.  There are mounds of baby clothes piled up and I haven’t had a full nights rest since he was born.  All the sweet snuggles, smiles, and laughter are amazing.  I go to bed at night and all I want to do is go get him out of his crib and get some extra snuggles in. 
c/o Abby Williams
Every day I am thankful.  Thankful to have a child to hold, take care of, and to love.  A child to call my own.

Dear New Mom,


Dear New Mom,

Congratulations and welcome to the best part of your life.  Motherhood!
It is the most beautiful, difficult, and emotional experience you will ever go through.  You went from having fears during your pregnancy to fears about all the “whatifs” now that the baby is here.  Try and listen to your own instincts and above all, google less. Hard I know, but it instills other fears that we didn’t have prior.
You will have many “mom experts”  give you advice on what you should do and should not do.  If it is asked for take notes.  If it was given freely, take it with a grain of salt and know that what you are doing is right.
You will be emotional.  Let it out! It doesn’t matter if you cry alone or in Target, let it out.  Have no shame and you will feel renewed after a good cry.
One of the hardest things is to not compare yourself to other moms.  Know that you are doing it right and tune out the judgment and trust yourself.
You are going to be scared and worry about everything.  Are they eating enough? Are they gaining weight?  Are they on the same level as other babies their age?  Let it go.  Switch out your fears with being in awe over what was created with love.
Your days may go slow but trust me, your years will fly by.  Don’t look for the fast forward button but instead take everything day by day by rejoicing and celebrating your miracle. 
You are on a new journey that is so imperfect and beautiful all at the same time.
Know that it gets better.  All of it gets better.

Love,
A Still Learning Mama

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Dear New Mom

Morning Friends! There has been a lack on content on RSG for the past week and a half due to horrible sickness on my end.

I still wanted to share with y'all a guest post I did over at Aubree Shupe's blog.  She has a series called, "Dear New Mom," and it will definitely not disappoint!
Source

Click here to read my post!  Heres to getting back to normal and leaving the sickness behind soon!

Monday, February 9, 2015

Infertility Journey: Jenn's story

Good Morning! I hope the Monday Blues aren't hitting you too hard.  For todays infertility journey, I have Jenn.  Here is her story.


I am so excited to have the opportunity to share our journey with you. I absolutely love this series Sydney is doing, and I am happy to be able to share our struggles and successes with all of her readers.

Robbie and I were married very young and were in no hurry to start building a family. We both come from families of five children, so we just assumed we would wait until we were ready, and boom, we'd start a family. We initially thought we'd wait about 5 years and then we'd have kids. Well after about 2 years of marriage, we'd had enough with birth control side effects and I was starting to get the baby itch. So I stopped birth control and we went for the whole, "not trying but not not trying," thing.

About 6 months after I went off birth control, I picked up a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It's a great book, and I highly recommend it. I learned everything there was to know about my cycles, and became a charting fool. I knew we were definitely having intercourse at the right time, but nothing was happening.

After a few months of charting I went in and talked to my OBGyn. She ran a couple basic blood work tests, and everything came back normal. She suggested a semen analysis. It took me a while to get Robbie to agree to a SA, but we finally did one. The results were below normal, and my OBGyn suggested we see a urologist. Before Robbie went to see the urologist, I had an HSG done to rule out any tubal and uterine issues. All was clear there, so we continued trying and hoping for the best. The urologist was pretty much a waste of time other than the fact that they confirmed below normal numbers.

I took a while before we were both ready to have a consult with a reproductive endocrinologist. After speaking with the RE, we were told we had a less than 1% chance of ever getting pregnant on our own, and it was advised to us that IVF was our best option. We weren't quite ready to pull out the big guns yet, plus we couldn't afford it, so we agreed to try IUI first. It was recommended that I have a hysteroscopy done before we start any treatment, so I had that procedure done, and we had our first IUI the following month.

Our first IUI, a natural IUI, was met with negative results. The following month we did an IUI with Clomid. When it came time for insemination, the post wash numbers for count and morphology were so low, our REs office wouldn't even charge us for the procedure. Needless to say, that procedure yielded a negative result too.

I was pretty heartbroken because I knew we were going to have to do IVF. I knew how expensive it was, how invasive it was, and I knew we were still a long way away from being able to pay for it. We continued trying on our own and praying for a miracle. I was interview for jobs that offered IF coverage in their insurance packages, but none of the interviews ever turned into a job.

It was about this time that Robbie started a new job. We live in Indiana which does not mandate any infertility insurance coverage. Lucky for us, his new job was headquartered in Illinois where there is a infertility insurance mandate. A great one! 3 months after he started his new job, we had infertility insurance coverage. We started our first IVF cycle almost immediately after his coverage began.


We were beyond lucky to have a successful first cycle. They retrieved 20 eggs. 19 fertilized. We transferred 2 grade A blastocysts and had 3 remaining to freeze. Both embryos took, and I carried a healthy twin pregnancy until 37 weeks.

Before Brooke and Harrison were even born, we knew we weren't done with treatment. We had frozen embryos and we planned to use them. When the twins were about 20 months old, we met with our RE again and started toward a frozen embryo transfer. A saline sonogram showed my uterus looked great, and we were given the green light for the FET.

We made it through the monitoring and were all ready for transfer. Our RE has an office where we live, but their main location, where they do all retrievals and transfers, is a two hour drive. We were half way there when we got a call that was supposed to be the embryologist telling us how our embryos were progressing. Instead it was our doctor telling us none of our embryos survived and that our cycle was cancelled.

We were devastated. We were prepared for an unsuccessful cycle, but not having a transfer hadn't even entered our minds. It left a lot of unanswered questions and tons of uncertainty as to where we were in our journey.

I met with our RE a couple months later and discussed our canceled transfer and what it might mean for future cycles. Robbie and I had already decided before this visit that we would be willing to go through one more fresh cycle. We talked numbers and began saving right away. We have zero insurance coverage for the procedure or meds this go round, even though my husband is with the same company. We had tests done last month and are set to start injections in late March. If all goes according to plan, we'll be transferring two embryos mid April. Although as anyone who has dealt with infertility can tell you, things don't always go according to plan.

If you want to follow along on our journey, I blog about life with our toddler twins and our IVF journey over at Our Little Miracles. I feel like this will be our last fresh cycle. Although I also said we would only go through IVF once. There's so much uncertainty and so many emotions involved, it's hard to say what will or won't happen. I do know that we were lucky to be have a successful first cycle and that we are beyond blessed to be able to afford a second go round.

I am happy to answer any questions about our journey or lend an understanding ear. jmpargeon@gmail.com is where you can hit me up. To anyone reading this, I hope you find peace in your journey. Whether it's through successful treatment, adoption, fostering, or child free living. Know that you are not in this journey alone, and that there are others on the same emotional roller coaster you are.

Friday, February 6, 2015

Nerding Out...My Five on Friday

Hi Friends! How many of you having been dreaming of this day since last Friday? I am so excited about this weekend.  We are suppose to have some wonderful 60 degree weather this weekend so I am going to cross something off my February Goals and enjoy the weather at the park on Saturday.  I am excited to give Griffin a whirl around in a swing.  His first!

As you are reading this I am enjoying a day off with one of my best girl pals and we will be hitting up some kids consignment and seeing Wicked on Broadway tonight!  Totally showing you my nerd card right now. I grew up going to see Broadway shows and I have always loved them.  So excited to see this one tonight.

In honor, I am sharing my top 5 favorite Broadway shows.  You ready?  Here is just a short sweet Friday post.


 
 
-one-
 
Les Miserables
 
 
-two-
Lion King
 
 
-three-
Phantom of the Opera
 
 
-four-
STOMP
 
 
-five-
Wicked
 
 
 
If you missed G's 9 month update, you can find it here.
 
Have a blessed weekend!


Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Griffin {9 months}

 
So hard to believe that you are nine months old and in three short months we will be celebrating your 1st Birthday.
 

 
 
You are still a little talker and still mimics sounds that you hear.  It has honestly be one of the cutest things we do on the way home from school every day.  You have learned to growl and you always scrunch up your nose when you do it.  You talk all the time and you have learned new sounds.  In addition to Mama and Dada, you have started saying Baah for “ball”.
 
 

 
You prefer to sit on your knees when you play rather than sit on your bottom.  You look so grown up when I find you this way.  You enjoy waving but you like to put in a little more effort and use your whole arm instead of just your hand.
 
You have a new favorite game and that is to play Peek-A-Boo.  You get the biggest kick when we finally say “Boo”.
You are an awesome crawler and you always crawl so fast.  I think you always have your eye on something and you know that you need to get to it fast before your Mama takes it.  Sneaky kid.  You started pulling yourself up to stand this month and you have become a professional cruiser. 
  



 
You are still a good eater and love just about everything that we give you.  I hope you are more like your Dada and enjoy trying different foods.  Your favorite food is still yogurt and you gobble it up in no time.  We introduced Puffs snacks to you this month and you love eating them out of Dada and Mama’s mouth.  You are so proud of yourself that you usually do a little dance once you get the Puff.
 


This is my RAWWW face
You now have a “witching hour” and it is a sight.  This usually happens between 5:00 and 6:00.  You want to be in our lap but at the same time you want down to play.  You are hungry but you rather play than eat.   Hoping this little spell dwindles down next month.
You are still an awesome sleeper.  You take two naps a day that can range from 1 hour to 1.5 hours and you sleep 12 hours at night.  During the night you are all over the crib and I can usually find you at the other end that I put you in the night before.  You always wake up happy and you are a morning person like your Mama.
You moved to a new room at daycare and you have loved being mobile with all of the other children.  I know you have fun while we are at work. We celebrated your first New Years and Uncle Will's Birthday. 

 

 
You love cuddles and you bring so much joy to us.  We talk and think about you constantly and we cannot believe you are ours.  We love you sweet boy.  Happy 9 months.


 
 
 

Monday, February 2, 2015

Infertility Journey: Ashley's Story

Happy Monday!  How many are having the Monday Blues?  I for one am happy to have Monday roll around. 
Today I have Ashley from The Mrs. & Co. sharing her journey through infertility.
 


Hello wonderful reader's of Raising Southern Grace! I am so excited to take over Sydney's blog today! My name is Ashley and my little corner of cyber space is over at The Mrs. & Co. I started my blog as a way to document our journey to parenthood and after! I have enjoyed meeting so many women on the same road as us and I hope that you stop by and say hi! I'd love to meet with you and talk a bit! Here is our journey to parenthood!

Kyle and I were married in September 2009. 
We wanted to enjoy a few years of just us so I continued taking birth control that I had been on since I was a teen. My periods were terrible. They included vomiting, fever, and terrible cramps. I dreaded it every month. Finally I got on birth control to help the cramps. They became bearable, but were still no fun.

We enjoyed our time as a married couple then in June 2012 decided we were ready to start trying for a family. I got off birth control and we began trying to conceive. When Kyle decides he's ready to do something, he's ready! When he proposed he had had the ring for 2 hours. Nothing changed when it was time to have a baby. He and I were both ready and we weren't playing around. I began taking ovulation tests in August 2012 and we were doing every right! I couldn't understand why it wasn't happening.

In January 2013, I just had this feeling I needed to talk to my OB about it. So at my yearly check up I told her everything and she suggested I have blood work done and Kyle should see a urologist to have a semen analysis done.

My blood work came back first. My thyroid was off along with my LH, which controls when an egg is released during ovulation. So my body was growing an egg, but releasing it late, which meant the egg was too mature to be fertilized.

I then made an appointment with Dr. Ku of Dallas IVF to discuss our options, but my problems were quickly put on the back burner when we received Kyle's results. The doctor diagnosed him with a condition called varicoceles. Kyle had tons (and I mean tons of swimmers), but their motility and morphology were very low due to the extra heat from the varicose veins. So pretty much his swimmers were swimming around (slowly) bumping into one another, and if they made it to my egg, they couldn't penetrate it to make a baby.

The doctor told us that we could do surgery to correct it or go straight to IVF. There was a 60-70% chance surgery would fix it and a 30% chance that it wouldn't. If the surgery didn't fix it, then it wasn't varicoceles, but an unexplained reason. So we went ahead with the surgery in March 2013. And man did Kyle take one for the team. It was a painful recovery for him, but he was willing to do it for our babies.

We were told results could take up to 6 months. So we began our wait and continued to see what my diagnosis would be. Dr. Lowell Ku from Dallas IVF diagnosed me with PCOS and a thyroid problem. He put me on medicine for my thyroid and explained that once Kyle was released and deamed "fertile" by the urologist, he would prescribe clomid for our first plan of action.

In June 2013 Kyle went in for his first check up and his numbers were a little better. The urologist was pleased and said he would see us in September 2013 to hopefully have better results!

We faxed the results to Dr. Ku who said he was willing to try an IUI round. I took a pregnancy test like the doctor asked on a Tuesday to make sure I wasn't pregnant. It was negative so we moved forward with purchasing the meds. We were so excited! My period was supposed to come on Thursday so we waited for my cycle to begin so I could start my meds, but I never started. I was pregnant. Thanks a lot pregnancy test.
We had just gotten back from a weekend at the river with my family. All weekend long I was cramping like I was about to start. The thought of being pregnant kept going through my mind, but how could that happen? When we got home that Monday around 5pm, I went inside and decided to take a test while Kyle unloaded the car. I could NOT believe it when the test said pregnant. I walked out in the garage and handed him the test. He dropped all the bags and said we were going to Kroger for most tests. I downed a bottle of water on the way home, took the tests, and yep, I was pregnant.

How the heck was this possible?! I hadn't been tracking my cycles because we were in the waiting phase of Kyle's recovery and we had only done it ONCE that month. ONCE! I went into the doctor and got a blood test and sure enough, preggers!

We surprised both of our parents (lots of tears were shed) and told our extended family. We were so excited and couldn't wait to share our news with the world.

Unfortunately on July 31, 2013 I started having cramping and spotting. My doctor told me it was normal, but I just knew something was wrong. After a day of cramps that intensified as the day went on, I started bleeding heavily at 7pm. I knew what was happening, I was losing our baby. We were told later that it was more than likely due to an unhealthy embryo since the baby was conceived without the proper help from the doctors.

I went into the doctor the next morning for blood work and sure enough, it confirmed our fears. My doctor said I needed to wait until I started my next cycle and then wait another cycle, before we could consider our next step. I was devastated, but knew that God had a plan for us.
Finally, September 2013 rolled around, I had had 2 normal cycles and Kyle had his 2nd check up where we expected to be told his numbers were back to normal since we had gotten pregnant on our own. The doctor instead told us his numbers were back to pre surgery level, he in fact didn't have varicoceles, and he couldn't explain why. He recommended IVF.


So in October 2013 we began IVF #1. I produced 38 eggs and 35 fertilized. After watching all of the eggs and waiting 5 days, we had 12 A+ embryos ready for transfer. We transferred 1 beautiful egg and froze the other 11.




We began the long 9 day wait and the fun progesterone shots.
I struggled with fear and patience and realized I was never in control, God was and I was going to have to just let it go. The night before we got the test, I ran across this verse, and it gave me so much peace as we waited for our results.
Finally the morning of November 11 rolled around and I couldn't sleep because I was so nervous for my blood test that morning. I woke up at 3am needing to pee (good sign right?). We had planned on taking a test when we woke up for work, but I knew I couldn't wait until then. I heard Kyle moving around so I told him I was taking the test. I peed on 2 tests and jumped back in bed. That 3 minutes went by so slowly, but when we picked up the tests, this is what we saw.
Our IVF had worked and I was pregnant! I honestly was shocked. I was convinced it would be negative. I didn't feel pregnant and had no symptoms. I went in for my first sono at 6 weeks and our sweet little one was there! We couldn't believe that God had blessed us with our miracle!
The pregnancy was uneventful except for a bad case of the stomach bug. Raegan's due date came and went and finally on July 24, we decided it was time to go in and get a move on.

After 28 hours of labor and failure to progress, Raegan Phair Sanderson was born on July 26, 2014 via c section at 2:36am weighing 8 lbs. 2.3 oz and measuring 21.5 inches long.


We soon found out that Raegan was born with a cleft palate and she had to have a short stay in the NICU. But she is a rock star and is defying the odds and doing amazing even with this minor set back. She will have her cleft palate repaired at the end of April 2015.

In July 2015 we plan to do our second IVF transfer. We will meet with our RE in May 2015 to discuss our options and decide how many embryos to transfer. We can't wait to add to our growing family!