Infertility Journey: Brandi's Story

Happy Monday Friends!
Today I have Brandi who is the owner over at LittleBLove.  You may remember that I mentioned her shop a few times last week.  I am so happy to have her sharing her journey today and I would love for y'all to go and visit her shop too!

Here is Brandi's story.



Hi all! I'm Brandi and I'm a wife, a mama(more on that below), a teacher, and the owner of Little B Love!

I wear many many hats but I will be the first to say that being a mama is my favorite, but it wasn't an easy ride.

My husband Stephen and I have known each other through most of my life, but we started dating while I was away at college and eventually we wed in 2010. He wanted kids like ASAP, however right after we got married we said we'd take some time to enjoy ourselves etc. A few months before our 1 year anniversary my doctor suggested I go off the pill for a few months before we really started trying in order to build up my lining. Not long after, we ditched the birth control. I was surprised when month 1 of no protection, we weren't pregnant! 

Like wait, what?!? I thought no protection equals baby? We didn't panic and tried for a few more months until I started worrying some and then we started the ovulation kits.  The first month we used an ovulation kit and I ended up still not being pregnant, a smidge of panic started to creep in. I was very into the show Guiliana and Bill at the time and watching all their fertility struggles..........it wasn't fun. I remember VERY vividly a couple months, having Aunt Flo arrive while I was at work on one of my breaks and literally bursting into tears and having to compose myself before going back to my classroom full of kids. 

Have you guys ever seen that meme, the one that says "those who say trying to get pregnant is fun, have obviously never tried to get pregnant"? And it's soooo true! I, like many, think oh when we're ready we will just try and use no protection and boom, prego! Nope! 

Anyways, we had been trying for about a year when FINALLY my doctor said to come in and see her. The day I went in to see her, my period was actually late and I said Doc do you think? And I can remember her saying, "mmm nope I don't think so, you're cycles are so over the place that I doubt you are. So go ahead and come back on day 3 of your period for bloodwork and then we're going to go ahead and start you on Clomid." Before this appointment I was testing like crazy and negative, negative, negative. Seriously, the number of pregnancy tests you go through when trying, it's pretty crazy! Anyways, a couple days after this appointment, it was day 33 of my cycle, and the FAINTEST positive came up. I think I screeched with joy. I immediately emailed my doctor's office asking for a blood test to confirm. Hours later, I got the positive, I had been waiting for. I rushed home to tell my husband the news. He was so excited and kept asking, are you sure, is this for real, how do you know?

Overwhelming joy!!! My OB likes to joke that she scared my body into getting pregnant since I was supposed to start fertility treatments in just a few days. My doctor believed that the problem was that each month your ovaries technically have the potential to produce about 8 eggs but instead they fight each other off so that the strongest, best egg wins (she always told me, think of the show Survivor), but in some people the eggs like to get together and play nice and try to "split the prize at the end". She thought my eggs were just playing nice, so the Clomid would turn them into nasty fighting things so that the strongest egg would win. Luckily I didn't need it and on October 2, 2012 after 20 hours of labor, I gave birth to the sweetest little boy.

We have been trying for number 2 for quite a while now and it's been even more of a roller coaster than the first go around but we're trying to hold out hope. Some days hope is harder to have than others and it certainly hard when it seems like it's pregnancy announcement after announcement! But trying to have hope and enjoy the one blessing that God did give us and that we are so thankful for each day!

As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.-Ecclesiastes 11:5

For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn't believe even if someone told you about it.-Habakkak 1:5

And so it was that having waited long and endured patiently, realized and obtained what God has promised.-Hebrews 6:15

Thanks for letting me share my journey and I hope that it can help to encourage some of you.

Infertility Journey: Summer Ann's Story

Morning friends.  I hope the Monday Blue's aren't hitting you too hard.  We had beautiful weather this past weekend and much of it was spent outside.  We are ready for Spring and some warmer temps!
Today I have Summer sharing her infertility journey.  She has been one of my favorite Mama blogs to read and she honestly has the cutest little boy.  It doesn't hurt that he was born within days of Griffin.
Here is Summer's story.




Hello ladies! My name is Summer Ann and I blog over at SimplySummerAnn.com. 
 

I am such a huge fan of Sydney's series on infertility. Not because I love reading about other people struggling, but because a huge part of my suffering with my own infertility was due to me holding everything in and feeling like I was alone in the journey. So I feel like these stories have helped me to feel more "normal". And I hope this one will help one of you to feel like you have company and possibly give you the hope you may have lost.

I always knew eventually Dustin and I would want to have babies but before we got married we made the decision that we would wait a few years so we could travel, go out with friends, and just enjoy each other. Since we didn't want to start trying for a while I went to the doctor and requested the Mirena IUD. Throughout the procedure my doctor talked to me, explained things on the sonogram, and tried to keep my mind off the procedure. It was quick, a little painful, but overall a very easy deal.

After he was done he told me that from what he saw on the sonogram he could tell that I had very irregular cycles, if he had to guess I probably only ovulated once a year, and it would probably be hard for me to get pregnant. He must have saw the panic on my face because he tried his hardest to reassure me and said "But don't you worry about that because when the time comes, I am a fertility specialist and can help with that". Dang! I went in to that appointment not wanting babies anytime soon and came out with the biggest case of baby fever you could imagine. I think it was because I was kinda in a panic that it may take forever to get pregnant so if we didn't start trying soon we might totally miss our window all together.

Fast forward 3 years and I was finally able to help Dustin feel comfortable with the idea of trying to start a family. He's a typical guy in the sense that he needed to have certain things crossed off his list to feel like he was "ready" to be a dad. And I was pumped he finally felt ready! I went to the doctor, had the IUD removed, then headed straight to the store and bought prenatals, fish oil, and the best ovulation kits my Google-ing could find. I chilled out on the wine drinking, made sure I was eating well and basically tried to be as healthy as possible to hopefully create a great environment in my body for a baby.

I used the kits for about 6 months and each month I noticed that I wouldn't get the little smiley face until late in my cycle (like day 25) and would start my next cycle a few days later. Anyone that knows the time-line of a normal woman's cycle would know that is not good. I knew this time-line wasn't going to allow our future baby to get comfy and implanted before my next cycle would start. I know they say to try a year before calling a specialist but I didn't want to waste any time, especially if the doctor had already seen issues before, so I called him and setup an appointment.

We met with him a few weeks later and he agreed to go ahead and start the infertility testing to figure out what the problem was. I went in a few times for blood draws and sonograms and they tested Dustin to rule him out. A week or so after we finished the testing, the doctor called with my results and told me that the tests showed what we suspected… I wasn't ovulating. He suggested we start with a round of Femara and to come in mid-cycle for a sonogram to make sure the meds were doing what they were supposed to. I felt broken and so angry with my body but I started the Femara and we prayed it would work.

On the 12th day (a Friday) I went in for the sonogram and possibly a trigger shot. During the sono they only found one follicle that was developing but it wasn't quite mature enough to do the trigger so they wanted me to come back Monday to check again. Well that sucked for a few reasons: Normally more follicles mature which gives you a better chance of getting pregnant. Secondly, I was scheduled to go to San Francisco for work Monday afternoon. Thirdly, the doctor was only willing to do three rounds of the medicine because of side effects. I had to make a choice... Do I buy Dustin a last minute flight or just forget about this cycle and try again next month? So I did what anyone would do and texted my sister in-law. Ya I know it's kind of a weird choice but she's very level headed and I knew she'd give me great advice. She basically told me to book him a flight and have fun. And that's what I did.

That Monday at our next appointment the doctor said the follicle was still immature and that I would probably ovulate on my own on Tuesday. Good thing I booked him a flight. So off we went to San Francisco. 

I worked during the day and when I was done we went out for a couple nice dinners and enjoyed the city. I figured that if we didn't get pregnant this time, we tried and we at least had a good time in one of our favorite cities.

A week and a half later, we had my family over for some time at the pool. We were laying out in the water, having a good time, when my wonderful sister pointed out that I looked pregnant (so sweet ;P). And my mom said she had been noticing how huge my boobs looked. Awesome. They both said I needed to take a pregnancy test but I knew it was a few days too soon and I explained to both of them that there was no way they'd be noticing pregnancy signs already.

That night, after they left, I got up the nerve to take one of the First Response tests. Figuring it would be negative like all the times before, I secretly went to the bathroom, did my thing, and waited for the result. Not even a minute later the test showed a faint positive (But hey a positive is a positive)! I was in shock! I had waited for this moment for what felt like forever and now I didn't know what to do. I just stood in the bathroom and tried to compose myself so I could tell Dustin in the way I had planned.

Almost a year before, I had purchased a bandanna for Bennington that was two layers. The top bandanna said "Guess What?" and the bottom layer said "I'm going to be a big brother!". I went to the closet, got the bandanna and with very shaky hands tied it on Bennington. I told him to go see his daddy and he ran right to Dustin. Dustin didn't get what was going on at first because I promised him I would wait a few more days to take the test so that I wouldn't get upset prematurely. I kept saying "Dustin lift the bandanna, lift the bandanna!" He finally realized what was going on and said "Are you serious??" I started crying and he hugged me while one of my legs continued to shake uncontrollably. It was such a special moment. We joked that if it was a boy we should name him Francisco. But luckily for Boston we decided against it.
 

(Photo by Kandice Ray)

I had a really easy pregnancy, and Boston has been such a joy, which I think made D and I feel very ready to try again for our second. So after maybe a month on birth control we decided to ditch it. Actually I am not even sure I made it through the entire pack. Ha! 

We initially hoped that maybe I would be one of those girls who is a Fertile Myrtle after pregnancy. Well no such luck so at one of my checkups with my doctor I mentioned to him that I was ready to get serious about having another baby. He did a sono to make sure everything looked alright. And everything was ok except my lining was pretty thick for my cycle day so he agreed to start me on Femara after a 10 day dose of Progesterone.

The cycle seemed pretty normal except for some mild cramping on my left side and some major bloating. But I figured my body was just gearing up to ovulate and I went in for my day 12 sono very hopeful. Unfortunately when the doctor did the exam he discovered that I had developed OHSS and one of my ovaries had grown to the size of a baseball. Yikes. I was put on Pelvic Rest for the next 4-6 weeks and was instructed to take it easy until our next checkup which will be today. Please send prayers and some positive baby vibes our way. :)

We happened to get extremely lucky that it only required one treatment to become pregnant the first time. And hopefully we will get good news at our doctor today. I know so many friends that are struggling and going through so much more than what we went through but when the time comes and your baby is placed in your arms (whether it be through your own pregnancy, surrogacy or adoption) you will finally understand what God was preparing you for. His plan is always perfect.
 

Infertility Journey: Natasha's story

Here is Natasha's Infertility Journey.  Head on over to her page and give her some love after you read her amazing story.

My name is Natasha. I think this series is wonderful! I'm grateful to have the opportunity to take over Sydney’s blog today and share my story with you.

Life before children was a dark, dark place for me. The minute that Josh and I were married the questions began flying at us like high-speed baseballs during the World Series. We weren't ready to have children yet; we just wanted to enjoy being married. Only a month into our marriage I was diagnosed with Endometriosis. For more about Endometriosis visit the Mayo Clinic.

Endometriosis was an ugly word in my home as a child. My mother had a severe case of it, and it was the sole reason that I was an only child. No siblings. None.

Although we weren't quite ready to start our family, at only one month of being married, we began having the necessary conversations with our doctors. We were told that it would take us a while to get pregnant so it wouldn't be a bad idea to start trying. Trying to get pregnant should be fun, right? Romantic, passionate, good 'ole baby making. WRONG! Well for the first 6 months, maybe. Then the worry set in, and temperature taking, charting and peeing on ovulation sticks replaced the excitement of, spontaneous, not trying but not preventing to make a baby.

Months went by quickly; either we were waiting for ovulation around CD14,  we were in our two week wait (TWW) or I was emotionally depressed because my cycle had started, once again. Trying to get pregnant is like wanting a new car, everyone around you has your dream car and it's literally on every corner. It seemed like everyone we knew was getting pregnant. Every conversation revolved around pregnancy, children, or being a mom. All of the things I longed for.

I had regular blood tests done through my OB and did three or four rounds of Clomid (it's been a while so I don't remember exactly.) That stuff made me crazy. I mean a blood boiling, bipolar, crazy person. Josh also had a semen analysis done that was within normal ranges. Before we knew it a year of trying to get pregnant had passed to no avail. By then I wanted to be pregnant. I was ready. More than ready. I always wanted to be a mother, but at this point I had a longing, deep in my soul, to be pregnant. I wanted to be a mom. A mother. Mama to be exact.

At our next doctor appointment, Dr. W suggestion I complete further testing. So we did. hysterosalpingogram was the ugly name of the, awful, test that I had to have performed. The best part? It was my birthday. Cruel, I tell ya!

It hurt. Agonizing. Excruciating. Whatever word you want to use for hurt really, really bad. My mom took me for the appointment and she could hear me screaming in the waiting room. Yup, it hurt that bad. Many women compare it to labor. I would say it is comparable. Results: Tubes clear, just a build up of mucous.

You are suppose to be a fertile Myrtle the two months following a hysterosalpingogram. So we proceeded with fingers and toes crosses, along with a lot of prayers. Months passed and with no luck. We decided that it wasn't a bad idea to have Josh's fertility checked-out again before I endured any further testing. His testing was way easier and much less invasive. Semen analysis Results: below normal in all areas. He completed a second test to make sure it wasn't a fluke. Result: Normal. Then a third test to give us an average. Results: below normal. His results varied so much that it was necessary to see and reproductive endocrinologist (RE); and that we did.

Our first visit was January 2011. They did further testing on us both. Blood work to check our hormone levels, ultrasounds to look at my ovaries prior to ovulation and more semen analysis' for Josh. Then it was explained that we have what is called Male Factor Infertility and my endometriosis wan't helping the situation either.

What to do? We weren't candidates for intrauterine insemination (IUI) due to motility and mobilty issues. In-vitro ferilization (IVF) was looking like our best option. We had a lot of talking to do. We were young and healthy. We were the perfect candidates for IVF and were given a very positive likelihood of success. We decided that we needed a few months to time out everything perfectly, especially our finances.

 IVF isn't free nor is it cheap. Insurance doesn't cover it so we were looking at spending thousands of dollars on our child before it was even a fetus. We waiting for a few months and decided the summer was the perfect time, financially. My due date would be just a couple of months after graduating with my bachelors.  The news of my brother-in-law and his wife expecting their first child solidified our decision to move forward with the process.

July rolled around and it was time to start the process. My first cycle was your typical agonists protocol or long down-regulation protocol using Lupron. I cycled July into August and was cancelled due to ovarian cysts at my baseline. Then we waited for my period. I cycled September in to October using the same protocol hoping it was a fluke that such as thing happened. Cancelled. Another stupid cyst. Then we changed protocols. My RE suspected that the Lupron was causing me to flare prematurely with cysts; this happens in a very small percentage of women- it has the opposite effect of its intended us. We switch to an antagonist protocol using Ganirelix to suppress instead of Lupron. I also used a birth control patch instead of pills.  Everything looked great and got the go ahead to finally trigger. The REs were very optimistic. Finally. I was so nervous and anxious about the egg retrieval. They retrieved 15 eggs. 13 were mature. 12 fertilized. Day 3 transfer. Non of the fertilized eggs made it to day 5. The embryologist noted that my eggs were hard to penetrate. The two week wait felt much longer than two weeks, and I was a ball of nervous energy the entire time. Did I mention that NO ONE knew we were going through all of this. Nope. Nada. We kept it a big fat secret. For me it was hard enough that I didn't randomly miss my period and get to surprise Josh with a, freshly peed-on, positive pregnancy test.

The day was December 23, 2011. Josh took me to get a pedicure to help relax me after the in-office blood test; he got a pedicure also. We went home and I laid on the couch hoping that the call would come before my in-laws arrived for Christmas vacation at our house. It was 1:00 and the sun was beating down on me through my living room window when my phone rang. I nervously answered the phone and my PA said, "Hi Natasha. I'm so sorry but the blood test was negative." I quickly thanked her and hung up. Why did I thank her? She gave me the worst news ever! Josh was outside working in the garage and I just laid there, crying... it didn't work! My whole heart crumbled. I saw pictures of my embryos. They were mine and Josh's DNA. Together. As one. For two weeks I felt like I was pregnant. I knew that the sperm and egg had come together; all it had to do was implant. Why didn't it work?

By the time Josh came inside I was hysterically crying. He knew what the tears meant. Just moments later his parents pulled in our drive.

Not only did we have to tell his parents that we were going through IVF but we also had to tell them that we had went thru the entire process and it didn't work.  We never expected that we would have to share with people that we had went through all of this hurt in the middle of experiencing more hurt but how else were we to explain my lack of excitement for Christmas and what should have been the most exciting Christmas announcement ever? So we chose to wait until that evening when his immediate family gathered at our house for an impromptu dinner. Honestly, we didn't want to repeat the words over and over again. I will never forget that conversation... we were all gathered in our living room sitting together, chatting and catching up on each other's lives. Josh spoke softer than normal (he's a loud whisperer usually). He said Tasha and I have something we would like to share with you... as excitement came across many of their faces he quickly redirected and said, "It isn't good news." Then shared our journey in his short and sweet version explaining that we both were in a really bad place emotionally. It was a very quiet evening as everyone mourned what could have been with us. My sister-in-law, Bri cried a lot... she was 37 weeks pregnant with a surprise baby girl and had a new found understanding of the desire to have children. It was the most I had felt connected to her in many months because I wanted more than anything to be in her shoes, blissfully pregnant at 37 weeks. I was so excited for my coming niece but it definitely made our situation more painful. I am so thankful that they didn't have to experience the pain that naturally comes along with being childless and struggling with infertility... honestly I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy.

Three days later my niece was born. It was such an exciting day but I spent most of the day worrying. My hormones were balancing back out and I was worried how I would handle myself if and when the flood of emotions hit. I did pretty well and only cried when I held her. She was a miracle. Pregnancy and children are the biggest miracles and blessings in this world. That was one thing that was crystal clear to me.

 In many ways I cut off my emotions and feelings from that day forward. I wanted to enjoy my niece and not mourn what I didn't have. I did exactly that. I made the decision that I didn't want to do another round of IVF anytime soon and I wanted to just enjoy life in general... including spending time as an aunt. Me making the decision was different than life making the decision for me. Josh and I enjoyed life by traveling and dating each other, something we had forgotten how to do in the midst of the stressful IVF cycles. We bought our dream boat and traveled to Mexico, Seattle, Florida and many other fun places together. Other than a diagnostic laparoscopy in May of 2012 for severe pain to "clean out" my endometriosis, there was no testing, no poking or prodding to jumble up our days. We were just us for a year traveling and living life one the lake, and it was really nice.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't still emotionally broken inside. Every time someone announced their pregnancy via Facebook, I cried. Every time I saw a woman with a beautiful, blossoming belly, I cried. I cried myself to sleep many, many nights and Josh would just hold me and tell me it would all work out. He believed in his heart that we would have children of our own on day.

Throughout that year we had family and friends praying for us and that things would happen in God's time. My relationship with Jesus Christ became so much stronger. Every Sunday during worship service I cried may way thru the words of every song and felt like God had chosen each one of them specifically for me and how I was feeling that day or week. I started to gain clarity and emotional strength when one day on my way to work I was listening to my favorite morning show in Atlanta, the Bert Show, and one of the cast members, Jenn Hobby, shared her infertility journey. That day she said, "I feel in my heart to share my journey because someone who is listening needs to hear this. Don't give up! Infertility is an emotional road and takes a toll on everyone involved but don't give up!" She said many other things that I don't remember verbatim but I felt as though she was speaking to my heart. Could anyone else hear her words? Was this message just for me... probably not but it felt like it. God speaks to us in many ways and I believe with all of my heart that he was speaking directly to me through her.

I went home that day and told Josh I was ready to give it another go. At this point it was November.... I know the same time we had unsuccessfully done IVF before. You think I would have learned my lesson before! I made an appointment with my RE to start the process. We met with the RE and made a few choices about protocols and he decided to pull out the "big guns" so to speak. The Mac Daddy protocol for poor responders called Microdose Flare protocol. We started around Thanksgiving and they did a trans-vaginal ultrasound before stimulating because of the protocol type and how I had previously responded. I had cysts all over my ovaries. The birth control pills were causing them and was probably the cause of the cysts in my prior cycles as well. What did this mean? Another cancelled cycle.

This cancelled cycle really hurt my energy. I had decided to keep a very positive attitude. I prayed every night for nothing but positive thoughts. I had been receiving acupuncture for months leading up to the start of the cycle for reproductive health, to better embryo quality and for positive energy. I increased my frequency of acupuncture visits and practically prayed myself to sleep once we were cancelled. I kept telling myself this is going to work and Christmas time is not the right time for us, obviously.

Let me tell you, waiting for CD1 is like waiting for Christmas in July! CD1 came and went since there were lab closures due to the holidays. BUMMER! Then we had to wait another 35 days... darn 35 day cycle... like clockwork it was always 35 days. It was infuriating that I had to wait 35 more days. The holidays came and went and on January 2nd CD1 appeared 15 days early!! I praised the Lord so many times that day it's almost comical. During this cycle I received acupuncture twice per week. We stimulated off of my natural cycle (meaning that we didn't use birth control in the beginning of the cycle) using Lupron and then did a retrieval 1 day earlier than planned due to one follicle out growing the rest. They retrieved 11 eggs, 7 were mature, 6 fertilized and 5 made it to day 3. We transferred 2 and had none to freeze in the end. On transfer day I received acupuncture before and after the transfer to calm me and to increase blood flow to my uterus. The quality of our embryos were much better than the cycle a year earlier meaning that the acupuncture must have helped in that category. Throughout this cycle I also ate clean, drink wheat grass juice twice daily and added daily servings of Chia seeds to my diet.... I would have eaten poop if it guaranteed a baby in my arms. Yuck, I know... but truth!

Our two embryos. Day 3 transfer

The two week wait was the slowest two weeks ever. It felt like months had passed. My HcG test was on Friday, February 1, 2013. I took the day off work and had the blood work done that morning. Josh and I left for North Carolina around 11 am to visit family and patiently waited on the phone call. Josh received a work call and minutes later my phone rang and it was my RE. He never called me. I was always his PA. He said, "Well Natasha, I'm finally getting to give you the news we've waited so long to deliver... You're Pregnant!" I just cried.... and said Thank you so much and hung up. I was in shock. Josh quickly ended his call and I clarified that my tears were joyful tears and that we were finally pregnant with an HcG level in the 200s. Praise the Lord!!! Then our first ultrasound revealed that we were expecting TWINS!!!

We didn't find out the genders of our babies and I had an uneventful pregnancy up until it wasn't at 29 weeks. I delivered two healthy babies at 32 weeks and 4 days{Pre-term Labor & Delivery}. Although   I had many complications afterwards,  they only spent 17 days in the NICU with normal preemie monitoring and are now thriving 18 month olds now. 

 

 

 

Going through infertility changed me in so many ways, but I wouldn't change one detail of our story.  I am the mother I am today because of it, and my marriage is stronger and my faith is unshakable.  Although, we have two beautiful girls I can't say that our struggle with infertility is over and I'm afraid that it's about to become all too familiar again as attempt to grow our family more. 

Thank you for reading about our journey.  I blog over at Zabie Love. if you'd like to follow along about life after infertility and parenting toddler twins.  I wish each and everyone of you luck and offer prayers of peace and positivity in your own journeys. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or need a listening ear. 

XOXO, 

Infertility Journey: Suzanne's Story

Happy Monday, friends! We had a wonderful weekend that dealt with getting out of the house.  Thank goodness the sickness seems to be gone and it was amazing just go get out.  Thankful for our health right now for sure!

This morning I have another Infertility Journey story for you.  This Mama has been through it and I hope you find some encouragement through reading it.

Here is Suzanne's story.

 

 

My name is Suzanne and I’ve been blogging about my infertility for over three years at Our Journey To A Baby Bump and trying to conceive for almost four.  

My husband and I met in 2001. He lived in the apartment below me. Within weeks of my moving in, we were spending time together. That was almost 14 years ago. We dated for 10 years before getting married in 2011. Our story wasn’t perfect. Nor should it be. The best of relationships have ups and downs and ours or course had our share.

 

Thankfully ours have always made us stronger, more resilient and more in love. Our relationship…was worth the wait.

 

 

When we married I was 33. A few months prior, we had an ectopic pregnancy while I was on the Mirena IUD. Even though we weren’t trying, it was a loss that hurt us. It made us realize that we didn’t want to wait once we were married. So with the first period after our wedding…we were officially “TTC”.

 

We were pregnant within three months. I got my BFP early, only 10 days after ovulation and my hCG levels were great, but something never felt right. I never felt pregnant. At our 7 week ultrasound, there was nothing, just an empty sac. Six days after the D&C, my hCG was still over 40,000. Pathologist confirmed and I underwent an emergency second D&C.

 

We were still hopeful that after getting pregnant on an IUD and again months later, it would still happen for us. But 2012 wasn’t meant to be. We tried a few cycles of Clomid and two IUI’s. My local RE refused any cycle day three testing saying ,“I didn’t need it”.  However, my instincts proved right. After pushing for more testing, we found out that I had severe diminished ovarian reserve (DOR). Once that was revealed, the doctor was done with me and refused any other treatments unless I went straight to donor eggs.

 

In our hearts, we wanted to do IVF to know for sure. I told myself when it doesn’t make sense…I’d move on, but until that time, I needed to see what my body could do before I could give up on a biological child. We found an RE that I loved in Chicago. He was kind and willing to give it his best shot for us. It’s all I wanted. In 2013, after a laporoscopy/hysteroscopy that found Stage III Endometriosis and was corrected, we moved forward with our first IVF. Between cysts and wonky hormone levels, we finally began our cycle.

 

Our cycle was heartbreaking. On the max dose of meds, we retrieved 2 eggs. TWO! And neither even made it to attempt fertilization. Just like that, it was crystal clear. I let go of my eggs and the biological connection to my children. It was difficult, but with donor eggs, at least we could have a child that I could carry—or though I thought. We flew to Colorado and officially became patients at CCRM. In June 2013, my uterus was approved to move forward with no abnormalities.

 

So we proceeded with a donor.

 

Now, curve ball…that same cycle, we were surprised by a natural BFP.

 

My hCG levels were all over the place, but never rose above the low 100’s. They decided to move forward with a D&C—a procedure that would change our lives.

 

Meanwhile, we planned a “freeze all” and once I was healed, we would continue with our FET. A week after my D&C, my hCG was still 178, and it was confirmed that it was another ectopic. The D&C was never even necessary.

As my body was prepped for our first transfer, oddly, my period never came. Almost 5 months after my D&C, another hysteroscopy showed Asherman’s Syndrome and that my uterus lining was permanently damaged during the D&C. We had surgery to try and correct, but after months of estrogen therapy and a failed FET, we knew that it was over. I would never carry.

 

With my amazing support group, I manage to keep pushing forward and a month later, I met my gestational surrogate and her family. I now have a friendship with a woman that I couldn’t imagine not having in my life and she’s currently almost 13 weeks pregnant with our twins.

 

 

The journey we’ve been on has been nothing short of the most insane roller coaster you could imagine. But I don’t believe that ones infertility story should be considered better or worse, easier or harder than another. There’s no such thing as an easy breezy infertility journey. Some may not take as long…some may be a few cycles of Clomid or Letrozole. Some may just need an IUI to take off the stress of “timed intercourse” (my husband’s favorite). Others may have to move towards IVF. And still there are those that have to look beyond their own biological connection to adoption, donor eggs or donor sperm. And sometimes…even more…surrogacy.

 

Whatever the direction infertility takes you, it’s mentally and emotionally hard and during some of the darkest moments, it’s heartbreaking.  It takes strength, courage and support to get through what us “infertiles” face. One thing it’s never been for me…is lonely. I’ve never been without a friend picking me up off the ground.  Whether that friend is someone close to me, or someone I’ve met through a forum or blog. I’ve had an abundance of love coming my way through these past four years. It’s what’s gotten me through.

 

There have been many tears these past several years as we’ve navigated through challenge after challenge and failure after failure. There were moments I wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out. But with the help of my husband, my friends and this community…I’ve pulled up my big girl panties, wiped away the tears and marched forward.

 

Thank God I did. My journey was difficult. But it has led me to where I am today and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Nothing…not my own eggs, not carrying a baby in my uterus, could make me love my babies anymore than I love these two she’s carrying.

 

I have so many people that have been involved in our struggles; our doctor at CCRM, our egg donor, our surrogate, my husband, all of my blog friends and ME. I have been reminded these past few months, these babies may not be in my body, but they are here because I never gave up.

 

Surrogacy is a gift that changes your life. It changes the life of everyone involved. Our friends, our family and her friends and family and our children…hers and one day mine. It certainly has changed my life for the better.

 

My only hope is that I can teach my children the kind of love, kindness and act of giving that the woman carrying our children has taught me.

 

My Surrogate’s Daughter…and Me.

 

 

Infertility Journey: Kailey's Story

Happy Monday!  Who is enjoying sunshine and 60 degree weather?  I want to come where you are!  We are expecting snow and ice a little later this afternoon, but no worries, I already stocked up on my Milk and Bread. Ha!

Today I have a sweet friend, Kailey sharing her story. Her blog is getting a facelift right now so I don't have a link back to her blog.  However, when her blog is up and running again, I'll be sure to come back and share with yall.  I am so excited for her and the new "stuff" she has coming up on her blog.

Here is Kailey's story.

 

 

Sweet friends, I am beyond honored to share a beautifully written story that only our amazing God could orchestrate. My husband and I never thought that we would face the decisions, procedures, and failures we have over the last six years, but God did. He knew from the very beginning of time that this would be our story, this would be how He got the glory He deserves.

Both of us wanted to be parents, but definitely disagreed on the timing of it all. We agreed while we were engaged we would wait five years to start our family. Ha! Well, as most of you women know, as soon as you get married the expectation and longing to become a mommy becomes almost allconsuming. It certainly did for me. I was on birth control for three months before we were married and then about three months after we were married we decided that it was not the best route for us. Long story short… that stuff made my crazy. Like really crazy. And so it began. I was convinced every single month that I was pregnant. I wasn’t. We continued to hope every month that I was expecting a little sweet one, but every month the test was negative. At beginning of 2010, we figured we should go to the doctor to see if something was wrong. After about two years of surgery, procedures, crying, screaming, throwing of things, and wondering why this wasn’t happened… I took matters into my own hands.

It was time for us to have a baby and I wanted to know what I needed to do. My doctor said that the next step would be to refer us to a specialist and he would probably suggest an IUI with clomid. Well, that’s what we did and for the next three months, I progressively got more overweight than ever and more depressed than ever. And I did not become pregnant.

All of those meds, appointments, and taking things into my own hands...just didn’t make it happen. I had spent all that time trying to get what I wanted and I ended up getting the furthest thing than what I wanted. I got Plan A.

At the end of April 2013, I was at the end of this road. At the end of taking things into my hands and making things happen. Making things happen the way I wanted them to happen. One of the most pivotal moments in our journey is the conversation I had with my mom, Sherry. I was not going to church, I did not want to be around anyone, I did not care about anything except getting pregnant. My mother has always had the tough conversations with me, but this one beats them all. She said she had been praying and didn’t want to have this conversation, but she knew she had to. She let me know that this was not living. She knew I was going to be upset and I was upset. But, I knew she was right. She was beyond right. It was that conversation got me out of the pit I had been digging for months.

The next week I started a weight loss program and began spending some major time with Jesus. I realized that God had another plan. The best plan and it wasn’t one I had written. He was calling me to chase Him and live the story He had written even before I was born. And adoption was going to be a part of the story.

Adoption had been on my heart since 2005, but not on my husband’s. The night he asked me to marry him, I remember telling him that I needed him to be okay with adoption before I said yes. He said that if we couldn’t have our own kids, then we could adopt. Fast-forward six years later, and still no children and no reason why. There’s nothing wrong with us. We wanted to be told our Plan A wasn’t going to happen so we could go to God’s Plan A. But God. He knew that we needed grow in Him to live the life that He has for us. This was how He was going to do it.

Over the next three months we prayed separately about what the Lord has for our family, adoption or not. I had already begun researching because my heart was sure. My husband was not sure and he needed time. But, in August, while laying in bed, he looked over at me and said, “So about adoption. I’m ready.” Cue, crying and laughing and crying some more. I was thrilled about this new adventure. This adventure the Lord had lead us to and there was no doubt that He was right there with us.

After one year of waiting in the adoption process, we were matched with our birthmother in December 2014. Our baby, Evangelyn Rose, is due in May! We are thrilled that this was Plan A! Evie Rose will be loved more than she can even handle.

Thank you so much for reading. I am truly grateful for our story. Every single detail.

Much love,

KB

If you would like to share your journey here on RSG, feel free to send me an email and we can chat!

Infertility Journey: Jenn's story

Good Morning! I hope the Monday Blues aren't hitting you too hard.  For todays infertility journey, I have Jenn.  Here is her story.


I am so excited to have the opportunity to share our journey with you. I absolutely love this series Sydney is doing, and I am happy to be able to share our struggles and successes with all of her readers.

Robbie and I were married very young and were in no hurry to start building a family. We both come from families of five children, so we just assumed we would wait until we were ready, and boom, we'd start a family. We initially thought we'd wait about 5 years and then we'd have kids. Well after about 2 years of marriage, we'd had enough with birth control side effects and I was starting to get the baby itch. So I stopped birth control and we went for the whole, "not trying but not not trying," thing.

About 6 months after I went off birth control, I picked up a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It's a great book, and I highly recommend it. I learned everything there was to know about my cycles, and became a charting fool. I knew we were definitely having intercourse at the right time, but nothing was happening.

After a few months of charting I went in and talked to my OBGyn. She ran a couple basic blood work tests, and everything came back normal. She suggested a semen analysis. It took me a while to get Robbie to agree to a SA, but we finally did one. The results were below normal, and my OBGyn suggested we see a urologist. Before Robbie went to see the urologist, I had an HSG done to rule out any tubal and uterine issues. All was clear there, so we continued trying and hoping for the best. The urologist was pretty much a waste of time other than the fact that they confirmed below normal numbers.

I took a while before we were both ready to have a consult with a reproductive endocrinologist. After speaking with the RE, we were told we had a less than 1% chance of ever getting pregnant on our own, and it was advised to us that IVF was our best option. We weren't quite ready to pull out the big guns yet, plus we couldn't afford it, so we agreed to try IUI first. It was recommended that I have a hysteroscopy done before we start any treatment, so I had that procedure done, and we had our first IUI the following month.

Our first IUI, a natural IUI, was met with negative results. The following month we did an IUI with Clomid. When it came time for insemination, the post wash numbers for count and morphology were so low, our REs office wouldn't even charge us for the procedure. Needless to say, that procedure yielded a negative result too.

I was pretty heartbroken because I knew we were going to have to do IVF. I knew how expensive it was, how invasive it was, and I knew we were still a long way away from being able to pay for it. We continued trying on our own and praying for a miracle. I was interview for jobs that offered IF coverage in their insurance packages, but none of the interviews ever turned into a job.

It was about this time that Robbie started a new job. We live in Indiana which does not mandate any infertility insurance coverage. Lucky for us, his new job was headquartered in Illinois where there is a infertility insurance mandate. A great one! 3 months after he started his new job, we had infertility insurance coverage. We started our first IVF cycle almost immediately after his coverage began.

We were beyond lucky to have a successful first cycle. They retrieved 20 eggs. 19 fertilized. We transferred 2 grade A blastocysts and had 3 remaining to freeze. Both embryos took, and I carried a healthy twin pregnancy until 37 weeks.

Before Brooke and Harrison were even born, we knew we weren't done with treatment. We had frozen embryos and we planned to use them. When the twins were about 20 months old, we met with our RE again and started toward a frozen embryo transfer. A saline sonogram showed my uterus looked great, and we were given the green light for the FET.

We made it through the monitoring and were all ready for transfer. Our RE has an office where we live, but their main location, where they do all retrievals and transfers, is a two hour drive. We were half way there when we got a call that was supposed to be the embryologist telling us how our embryos were progressing. Instead it was our doctor telling us none of our embryos survived and that our cycle was cancelled.

We were devastated. We were prepared for an unsuccessful cycle, but not having a transfer hadn't even entered our minds. It left a lot of unanswered questions and tons of uncertainty as to where we were in our journey.

I met with our RE a couple months later and discussed our canceled transfer and what it might mean for future cycles. Robbie and I had already decided before this visit that we would be willing to go through one more fresh cycle. We talked numbers and began saving right away. We have zero insurance coverage for the procedure or meds this go round, even though my husband is with the same company. We had tests done last month and are set to start injections in late March. If all goes according to plan, we'll be transferring two embryos mid April. Although as anyone who has dealt with infertility can tell you, things don't always go according to plan.

If you want to follow along on our journey, I blog about life with our toddler twins and our IVF journey over at Our Little Miracles. I feel like this will be our last fresh cycle. Although I also said we would only go through IVF once. There's so much uncertainty and so many emotions involved, it's hard to say what will or won't happen. I do know that we were lucky to be have a successful first cycle and that we are beyond blessed to be able to afford a second go round.

I am happy to answer any questions about our journey or lend an understanding ear. jmpargeon@gmail.com is where you can hit me up. To anyone reading this, I hope you find peace in your journey. Whether it's through successful treatment, adoption, fostering, or child free living. Know that you are not in this journey alone, and that there are others on the same emotional roller coaster you are.