Thursday, June 20, 2013

Infertility Journey: Part 1

Growing up I can remember loving baby dolls.  I was never interested in barbie dolls because barbies were older and I wanted to play Mama.  In my head I could only be Mama to my baby dolls.  There were times where my parents didn't see me for hours.  But, they were able to hear me opening and closing the hallway linen closet.  My favorite way to play with my dolls where to lay them down for nap time.  I had to make them comfortable so I would go back and forth to the linen closet and get bath towels for their blankets and wash cloths for their pillows.  I spent hours playing.
I loved playing the role of Mama.
As I got older I always new I wanted a family.  I couldn't wait to graduate high school and college, find a wonderful man...who my Daddy approved of...get married and grow a family through the years.  Not having children never crossed my mind.  Until the day that our world that I thought was so perfect, wasn't anymore.
Four months before our one year anniversary we decided now is the right time to get off birth control and just see what happens.  I wanted my body to be free of birth control for two months before we really started trying. 
After a few months I could tell something wasn't right.  I made an appointment for my yearly examine and I talked with my doctor on how I thought things did not seem right with my body.  She looked over my file and realized I never had a natural period.  Sometimes I would go months without having one while on the other hand I would have my period for months at a time.
She sat there telling me that I would have a hard time conceiving on my own without any medical intervention and that I had PCOS.  Thats it.  That is all she said. 
She gave me medicine to induce a period as well as medicine to help with the growth of follicles.
I left her office so discouraged.  I left confused by the lack of information she gave me.  I left heartbroken. 
When I got home I told my husband how confused I was and that I just wanted more information about what was going on.  I was so scared of the thought of never being called Mama.  I needed answers sooner than later so they could be "fixed."

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