Friday, July 12, 2013

Things Not to Say to Someone Struggling with Infertility

When you are someone struggling with infertility, people can sometimes say hurtful things unintentionally.  The first thing people say right after you get married are "When are you going to have a baby?"  Or the first thing people say after having their first baby is "When are you going to have a second?"  I am guilty of asking people both of those questions.  Not knowing if they can't have a baby.  But, if infertility is an issue for the couple, WOW that can be hard to deal with. 

I never thought about this until I was the one having trouble getting pregnant...Fertile Myrtle I am not.  So, I thought it would be fun on what not to say to someone that is struggling with infertility.

* Aren't fertility treatments expensive?
       You bet ya!  The total cost for meds, shots, blood work, ultrasounds, egg testing, sperm testing, and regular visits are insane!!!  Some people are blessed with awesome insurance and they pay 100%.  Others pay a percentage, while others pay nothing.  The most important thing for people are having a baby.  Treatments are expensive but so are houses, going out to eat everyday of the week, and a new car with all the works.  We don't need to be reminded of how expensive it is...are bank accounts show it. 

* Just let it happen naturally.
      If it was just that easy we wouldn't be shoveling out a the money we are.  It is much easier said than done.   Of course miracles happen.  If God wants us to be parents, we will be.  But, if the medicines and doctor visits help the process go a little faster, I'm all for it. 

* Why are you doing fertility treatments?  It took (insert name) over a year but shes finally pregnant.
   Yes, it is naturally difficult for a woman to get pregnant who have no known issues.  We know this.  This doesn't help when certain women/men have known issues and are told it will be a miracle if you get pregnant without assistance.  Your friend is just lucky. 

* I bet when you stop treatments and stop stressing you will get pregnant. 
   I have heard this too many times to count.  If it was just that easy there would be no need for Reproductive Endocrinologist, IUIs and IVFs.  Call the doctors, the problem is solved!!! Stop stressing...again... if it was that easy. 

* You are so young, just enjoy life.  There's plenty of time. 
  For some of us, we want to expand our family right after the DJ plays the last song at our weddings.  Or...lets try for a Honeymoon Baby!  Each individual couple is different.  Only they know when the timing is right.  Waiting to have a baby only decreases the odds of having a baby for someone that already has existing infertility. 

There are so many others things not to say to someone who is struggling for that precious baby.  We know most people speak out of love and comfort; and we know a lot of people don't know what to say in situations like this, but the only thing we really need is support.  Even if you don't agree with the couple them! 

If you or someone you know is struggling with infertility, miscarriage, still birth, or even losing a child after birth please fill free to show them this blog.  Make sure you click the side button that says "Follow" to read more updates and info on Infertility.  It is great to have support of others who are in your shoes.  Before being diagnosed with infertility I knew a small handful of people who were experiencing it, however it was hardly talked about.  There needs to be an outlet for people to share their stories in hope of finding that extra support.  I have a story, we all do.  All I can hope is that talking about it more openly could possible help someone in need of support.


  1. I have a friend that has been having a struggle getting pregnant and unfortunately I think I have said at least one of these things to her :( Now I fell bad! I wish you the best of luck in your journey and even though I have not been through this if I can be of any support please let me know :D
    I am your newest follower!
    Keia @

  2. Hi! I am also a fellow TTC gal and can totally relate. I get scared at times that it will never happen for us and am saddened and embarrassed when I have literally tell my husbands family I am not pregnant.
    One method I believe is overlooked and that NO DOCTOR will tell you to do is acupuncture. I have been in officially/officially diagnosed with endometriosis by my dr. When I went for acupuncture years ago to help with my crippling periods, it worked wonders. I was so pleased I recommended it to my coworker, 41 year old TTC who was told by her fertility specialist that her eggs were too old and that's why she miscarried and there was nothing they could do for her.
    She had nothing to lose, started with acupuncture and was pregnant within 2 months. Her little girl is now 18 months.
    I'm not saying its a sure bet but I have literally seen a wall of baby pictures all with notes from parents who had all but given up. It is amazing how this method works and without pumping yourself full of injections.
    Now that I am in the same boat, I will be starting my sessions next month. I have so much faith this will work and if my suggestion gives you a glimmer of new hope, then I accomplished what I set out to do when making this comment.

    I wish you all the luck and will be following your journey.